If anyone ever told me I’d be unfruitful for twenty-five years of my marriage, I would have called such a person my biggest enemy. Probably, prayed for the person to die before my marriage. Looking at the baby in my hands and remembering all I have suffered to get pregnant, I could not hold my tears anymore. I cried like I’m a baby, until my tears could not swim down my cheeks again.
Hi, I’m Rachael. But my friends usually call me R-baby. I have been married for twenty-five years. But, my husband and I have no issue to tell the world I’m married. Not only was I unable to put to bed, I did not take in at any point or have a miscarriage. Before now, I did not know what it looked like to have a baby in my arms or carry a baby in the womb. To me, it looked like an impossible case. Sometimes, I had thought of quitting my marriage with Richard because I saw all he put in to make our marriage work but little or no effort was coming from my side, no matter how hard I tried. I resorted to taking many herbal products, visiting many clinics to have a cure for my barrenness but to no avail. In my church and neighbourhood, I watched younger women marry, become pregnant and conceive, then organise for their babies a Naming Ceremony. I cried and cried and wished the Earth could just open and swallow me up. Worse still, we ran different laboratory tests which said Richard and I were medically fine to produce babies. I was just scared of losing Richard but at the same time, tired of the whole pains.
Richard and I started dating when I was only 21. I had loved him so dearly that I vowed to myself I’d have him to me in the end. Even if it meant giving him sex. Yes! I told myself that. Nobody convinced me into doing it. I just felt it was a necessary thing to do considering how he took me into his arms, cared and loved me. I saw in him my dream man. So, I went for him. I had attended this church convention in my 200L when we met. We sat very close to each other that night. Actually, I was coerced into attending the convention by my friends – Joy and Emeka. I had a thing for music. So, when I heard that there will be numerous musical performances, I motivated myself to attend the convention. I also wanted to watch some popular artistes who also seemed to be more like everyone’s favourites perform live. I mean, the likes of Frank Edward, Ada Ehi, Preye, and others. You know it feels a different thing to watch their live performances. I really wanted that groove.
Well, we checked in when we got to the convention ground on the first day. Did I tell you it was only a three days programme? My friends and I were given hostel spaces to occupy. And, of course Emeka had to part ways to go to the boy’s corner. For me, the whole event made much sense because there was the games section too in the programme booklet. I decided to participate fully and take the prayer nuggets seriously. In fact, the few days I stayed turned my spiritual life around. Not only were we taken care of with good accommodations, we were fed well too.
On this fateful day, in the eve of the second day of the programme as they were about to begin the musical performances, I had this guy sit next to I and my friends. He was tall, handsome, and had dimples whenever he smiled. He was dark in complexion with a cute hair cut. His name is Richard. Initially, we talked like guests and strangers because we did not know each other. At this point, we were very interested in what brought us to the programme. And, for nothing in the world, I was not going to miss listening to the musical performances that night because of some chats with some guy. But, we all bonded, you know? Just talking and chatting, smiling and sometimes laughing hard while the performers unleashed all they had for us. Sometimes, we rated some musical teams as they performed. My friends got along with talking to Richard and so did I. The chats were long and very interesting. We continued this way until the programme ended for the night. Then, we retired to our hostel.
Considering the fact that nothing much will be done in the morning, the programme officials advised we packed our bags to leave the convention ground in the morning. It was in the course of packing I left my hostel to wash few plates. I had finished doing that when I saw Richard again. We talked for a while after which we exchanged contacts. And, in the morning we left for our different locations, including my friends – Joy and Emeka. This event marked the beginning of my friendship with Richard. Even though we started with few hangout sessions where we played the most, chatted and laughed, the whole thing seemed to deepen and go to another level of intimacy because I had thought he loved me so much. Well, he did. But, I was crazy about his love that I decided to make things work out well between us. Not to forget, we had similar interests and goals. We shared our ideas and came out with great results. Richard was a business man who managed his company. It was a paint company. But, one thing that kept me by his side was his simplicity all along. He tolerated me and my wrongs. He apologized when he was wrong. He was always smiling and could hardly get irritated. He was sympathetic towards others especially those that needed help one way or the other. I watched all these traits and decided to keep up with him at all cost.
Things moved on so well for us until I got to my finals. Our relationship became very obvious that my friends got to know about us. Well, since I was now sure of Richard, I told my friends about our thing. And, they were just fine with us getting along as lovers. Sometimes, I spent weeks at his place and he spent days at mine during vacation. He provided everything however I tried. The money was always coming from him, because he believed that a man ought to take care of a woman and not the other way. Initially, I was not comfortable with it because I loved paying up my bills myself to avoid being exploited in the end. But, I realised Richard’s motives were different and just basically centred on building a lasting relationship, I yielded to his request and wish. This made me to give my best to make the whole thing work out between us.
Richard hadn’t requested for sex from me until when I was in my finals. Well, I did not think twice to give it to him. I had told myself he was worth giving my myself to, all I had and all I am. So, I conceded. But, my fear at the time was getting pregnant for him before our marriage. I had discussed with him severally that I didn’t want to get pregnant before our marriage. He agreed with my decision. So, that was how my sex life started with Richard. We had continued like this until a day came when I missed my cycle. I used to avoid having sex with Richard on my ovulation days, but the last one was just different.
I wanted to have him in me. I just wanted to feel him as my man. I needed his affection and love deeply. So, I was not careful to avoid having penetration during our sex. I wanted to enjoy the whole moment with my baby. And, I did. Yes! It felt good until I realised my visitor didn’t flow as it should have flowed and the day it should have appeared. I remembered meeting a friend of mine – Ijeoma. I had narrated my ordeal to her when she advised I did family planning since Richard and I were going to be married immediately I graduated. I did not tell Richard about it but I decided to do it on my own. I went to the clinic where I was directed to have everything concluded and myself checked thoroughly. Thank Goodness, I was not pregnant. So, I became more careful.
Few months after I graduated, Richard and I got married. We were living happily ever after except that I could not produce babies for him. At first, it seemed to be like a joke. We did nothing about it in the first five years of our marriage because we conducted series of tests that showed we were fine medically. We thought it was just the case of Hannah in the Bible. So, we just hoped on God to bless us with the fruit of the womb. Not only did I want fruit, I wanted fruits of the womb. So, I prayed harder, and resorted to attending many prayer houses even without telling Richard. It was very difficult for me especially as I entered the ninth year because Richard’s Mum was already on my neck. I did not know what to do. Although Richard tried so hard to be with me these trying times, but I knew deep down, he felt bad about the whole thing. Yes, he acted like nothing was wrong but I felt so bad for my husband during these years. Most times, I drank some concoction to make me fertile. But, what exactly was the problem? Was it low sperm count? No. Was it a case of dry vagina? No. Was it irregular ovulation? Was it the case of infection? Well, to the best of my remembrance, I did not take pills. So, no way, it can’t be.
What then was the case? Well, I tried all fertility drugs as recommended by different doctors. I treated infection. I treated growths. I treated both known and unknown diseases. Including, the ones I didn’t see in my body. Same with my husband. Richard tried his best to take fertility drugs as well. He treated infection too. All to no avail. We continued to hope and cry unto God for help and mercy to give us even if it is a child. He can hold the remaining. I just wanted to feel like a Mum. I wanted my husband to feel like a father. I wanted to have my own baby in my womb. I wanted to produce a baby for my dearest Richard. I wanted this family with Richard. I wanted him only. With these, I intensified my prayers every night. Until I got to the twenty-fourth year of my marriage with Richard. I was walking down to the bridge when I decided that I will end everything. I was already frustrated and over-irritated. I could think of nothing else but just to end it. At this point, I was about to be thrown out of my matrimonial home. My mother-in-law couldn’t just take it any longer. She got Richard’s sisters to her side too. It was just a terrific situation that I could not manage again. I did not want to return to my parent’s house. Of course, what was I going to do there? My mind was blank for hours and all that came to my mind was the option to end my life.
Well, I thought of the suicide option I could do easily. I remembered a bridge I passed while travelling. On that fateful day, I began my walk to the bridge to end it all. I had written a short note for my husband after which I tucked it in his trouser. So, I set out. I had not walked up to six electric poles when I saw a post on the wall. It was a flier that showed a company that took care of health issues with natural supplements. I had taken enough already, so why will I even try these ones out? I was about to continue my walk when I decided to call the number on the flier. It was at this point that I realised I dropped my phone at home. Quickly, I tore the flier and ran with it like a person that is being chased by a mad man.
I got to my house, picked my phone and called the number on the flier. Thank goodness, she answered the call and I narrated my ordeal to her. She asked that I come with my husband to her clinic. I gave her my consent because I had no other choice. But, I had a bigger challenge – how to convince Richard now to come with me. I decided to prepare his favourite meal and serve it to him when he comes back. Two hours later in the evening, Richard came back from office. I dished out his meal hot and delicious. He ate to his satisfaction. Then, I waited for him to rest after which I broke the news to him. To my biggest surprise, he decided to join me to the clinic. On reaching there the next day, we were opportune to get a medical card and run a comprehensive body check-up. After which, we were let in to meet the doctor in-charge, Doc. Grace. We were offered some seats and drinks before we started stating our ordeal with infertility in the last few years. It was after this narration that Doc. Grace asked me a shocking question, “Did you at any point get involved in family planning?” I quickly answered No. She asked us a few questions, then faced me. “Mrs. Richard, I want you to think deeply. Have you in any way gotten yourself involved in family planning, because it is the leading cause of fertility problems?”.
I had decided to think deeply about my youthful time when I remembered that I had indulged in that act many years back. So, I told her everything. Richard was very surprised I did it. In fact, it almost triggered a fight between my husband and me but then, he learnt I did it out of ignorance. Doc. Grace recommended a detoxifying product that helped to exterminate completely the effects of the family planning I had taken many years ago. After which, it re-oriented my hormones and cells and prepared them for fertility. I was requested to take it as well as Richard. After which, we started the recommended products for fertility. I have not taken the products for two months when I took in.
It was like a dream when I broke the news to Richard. We went for a confirmatory test in the hospital and it was confirmed that I had a baby in my womb. The joy I had knew no bounds. I was over-excited. Richard was very grateful to Doc. Grace for the products and help. In fact, a sum total of two hundred thousand naira was paid. In fact, it was worth it a million times. My joy knew no bounds. And today, I’m a mother of one. Richard is a father.
Well, I learnt also from Doc. Grace that apart from the infertility issue I faced, family planning altered the functions of certain hormones that are responsible for fertility in a woman. It seizes blood flow during menstruation and makes ovulation irregular. Certain growth can occur at the uterus like fibroid. Dementia may occur to such women too. I thank Doc Grace too for the lessons learnt so far and Richard for his patience these few years.
Family planning as good as it sounds also has negative effects. Please be mindful of what you do during your youthful age!
