I was barely nine years old when Mom called me into her bedroom to tell me about the “dangers of pre-marital sex and drug abuse”. In her words, she said, it is having sex before marriage with some random guys😅.
That day, I was playing with my brothers and other children in my neighbourhood. At the time, I hadn’t a sister. It was just me who was the girl-child. We were painting the streets red with our shouts and claps. We were playing the game called “Swear”. This was the name it was popularly known as. If there’s any special name, probably local or modern, I was and am clueless. “Swear” was a game that was played by two crazy players. By crazy, I mean the person will be smart, intelligent, flexible and able to jump on one foot to win the game. I had become a pro myself in the neighbourhood when it came to games. This was largely because I hated to be a loser. So, I always see to it that I won the games. However, I was playing that game that day when I heard my name from a distance.
“Amanda. Amanda”. I stopped because there was every touch of my mom’s tone in it. Could it be my mum that called me? Realising she was at home and needed my assistance with something, I set out to find out if it was my Mum that called me. While I was putting on my slippers, the voice came again. This time clearer. It was Mum’s. I quickly responded, “Mum, I’m coming already”. Approaching the house panting heavily, she requested that I have my bath immediately and come into her bedroom. To be sure, I heard her correctly, I asked, “Mum, what did you say?”. She replied with an Igbo tone, “I ga-asi na inughi ihe m kwuru ugbu a. O di ka nti chiri gi?” Well, I have gotten the reply to the question. I shrugged as I made for the bathroom to clean up.
As I was having my bath, a lot of questions went through my mind. I was bothered why Mum requested for my presence in her bedroom. This was not the first time I’ve been asked to come to her room. But, I felt something isn’t right somewhere. So, I quickly had my bath to know what it was this time. I was still dressing up when my Mum took me by my hands and asked me to follow her. I took my clothes in my hands and followed her sheepishly. I asked her what was the problem. But, she was not responding.
I decided to be patient until we got to her room. She told me to sit down which I did hurriedly. But, I was taken aback when she asked me a question “Amanda, how will you take care of me?” I was confused. I was about telling her to share her problems with me when she said to me, “I don’t want to lose you to anything”. It was at this point that I felt so emotional. But, I thought, “What’s Mum saying? Losing me? To who?”. My head was just filled up that I could not think straight again. Then, she started saying to me again, “Amanda, it is not easy to be a woman. A woman who can take decisions and stand by them. I really have a lot to share with you, baby girl. But, I want you to listen attentively as I speak to you”.
I nodded gently like an obedient child. Even though, I was just clueless about what it was that she wanted to tell me. I know I loved my Mum so much and I don’t want to lose her to anything too. I had assured myself to pay attention to everything she was going to tell me. I was a child but staying with my parents made me know a lot of things about taking responsibility of my family and siblings. Besides, being the first child offered me the task to watch over my siblings with care. I tried reaching out to them with utmost attention and love every time I was opportune to do so. Mum and Dad taught us to be responsible in the society, and little character conducts like greeting, discharging duties at the right time, and so on. We did this together, and were known as children with good morals in our neighbourhood.
“Amanda, what do you see of yourself in the future? Who do you want to become?”. Those were another set of questions that interrupted my thoughts. This time, my lips parted from each other in amazement because I always told Mum I wanted to be a teacher. So, there was literally no way she will be asking me this question again. ” Does it mean Mummy wasn’t listening all the time?” I asked myself. But, since I already had answers to the questions, I should be answering them already. There’s no time to waste. Besides, my game outside was not finished yet. “Mummy, I want to be a teacher. I thought we said this before now?” I was too young to understand what my mother was driving at. So, I answered like a child.
She let out a sweet smile, and held me to herself, and said, “I know you want to be a teacher. You always said it to your Dad and me. But, is that all you want to be?”
She started slowly until she finally let out the cat from the bag. She started telling in details, the dangers of pre-marital sex and drug abuse. She took everything bit by bit until she was sure I heard all. Yes, I heard all but did I understand everything? We will find out. It was late after we finished our discussion. So, I could not continue my games. By this time, my brothers were already in the sitting room helping themselves with a popular cartoon called “Tom and Jerry”. I joined them.
Few years later, I was twelve years old when I entered JSS2. On a good Friday, after school, I started feeling severe pains in my lower abdomen. I felt feverish and weak. Thank goodness, studies were over for the day. By now, Daddy should be on his way to take us home. The pains were just much and I couldn’t bear it anymore. I cried as I rubbed my stomach. I prayed that my Dad would be in school early enough to take my siblings and I, home. Seeing that my friends who have not gone yet were playing made me cry the more. An hour later, my Dad arrived. I hurriedly entered the car with my siblings and we drove off.
My Mum was the secretary of a primary and secondary school. That was the same school we attended. We always joined Mum in her office after school dismissal. But, this time, it was different. I didn’t know how to disturb her with my excruciating pains. So, I decided to wait until we got home. I thought of sending my siblings to tell Mum that I was sick but I thought “Omo, this one don pass stomach pains”. My Mum was one person that becomes troubled whenever she realises that someone is not feeling well. Telling her would disrupt her secretarial duties. So, I just decided to tell my Dad. We hadn’t gone halfway when Mum called my daddy to stop his car so that she can join us. Dad stopped and we waited for her.
My Dad was a handsome man who was in his early forties. He is dark and plumpy. He was a businessman and was good at business. He cared so much about his family members especially his wife and kids. He disciplined us whenever we acted wrongly.
Twenty minutes later, Mum joined us in the car and we zoomed off. It was at this point that my pains intensified. I started crying aloud. Mum and Dad were surprised at my sudden change of mood. I told them I was feeling a sharp pain in my abdomen. Mum asked me to endure the pains until we got home. On reaching home, Mum took me to her bedroom immediately and asked me what it was that I was feeling. She asked me few questions after which I excused myself to use the convenient room. Not wasting any time in the closet, I came in hurriedly and told Mum what I saw on my panties. “Mummy, I’m scared. Do you know what I saw?” It was at this point that she reminded me of the advice she gave me when I was younger. Then, she asked me what it was that was on my panties. I replied screaming and pulling out my panties, “Mummy, I saw blood, blood, blood. I’m scared” Smiling broadly, she hugged me and muttered, “Welcome to the club, my girl”.
Of a truth, I was blank and absent-minded. I gently asked my Mum, “Is this what it feels to be a woman?” She patted me gently and assured me that I will get used to the feelings soon. I replied with tears in my eyes, “Mummy, I don’t want to be a woman again”. It was at this point that Dad entered the room to know what the matter was. Mum told him about everything. He smiled and said, “Nne m. O bidogo oo”. He went to his box and brought out what looked like a bag. He opened it and handed over the contents in the bag to me. They were sanitary pads, the popular “Lady Care”. I thanked my Dad and Mum before I exited their room.
I made for my room with this pads so I can quickly change into them. I had my bath, washed my undies, attached the pad to my pant. I had kept on like this for months until I got into another phase of my educational career. I entered SS2 only to find out one funny and terrible thing about the way I put on my pad. I found out I had been wearing the sanitary pad in the reverse direction for years. Maybe, my Mum taught me how to use it but I forgot. Or I was simply stupid. I noticed as we were undressing in the female closet for the cultural day’s celebration in my school, that some ladies had their pads stay glued to their pants. I asked myself how they did it because mine wasn’t like that.
I had wanted to ask my girlfriend “Rosemary” but at a second thought, I told myself I would sound very stupid. I decided to watch closely. It wasn’t up to a minute we were changing into our cultural wears, one of my classmates Nonso noticed her “period”. She quickly brought out her sanitary pad and affixed them to her pants. She already told us she was expecting her “visitor”. So, it was no surprise when she saw it. It was after she was done with everything that I slapped myself for doing it the wrong way after two years.
But, the other changes that accompanied puberty like growing of breast, the appearance of acne and pimples, appearance of hairs in the armpits and pubic areas, curving of the hips and so on. Definitely, I got a full share of them all. But, I will like to tell you that having a breast growing on my chest was something I could not imagine. I made sure I wore at least two clothes daily to hide my growing breasts. Dad and Mum were really helpful during these times as they kept on telling me that I’m on another phase of life and the earlier I accepted it, the better for me. Mum stopped me from bathing with my brothers. It was not an easy thing to do. I only imagined how I would have my bath without my brothers. I remembered having my bath with them like two times with my growing breasts before mummy finally stopped me. I still wore my panties even after the pieces of advice received and walk around my compound. I wore them in my room and outside my room. Sometimes, I wore my clothes without putting pants on until I saw my cycle again. I did this for years until I understood that I am now a woman.
Well, I have adapted so much to becoming a woman that I am. And, to tell you the truth, it feels pretty good to be a woman. But, if you want to ask me about the feelings I get during menstruation, I will be real honest. The feelings aren’t the same for everyone. Mine comes with mood swings, severe abdominal pains and cries. Guess what? I don’t smile so much those days as I get to cut down the intake of some drinks and snacks.
This is my Menarche Experience, I hope you learnt a thing or two from the story. Menstruation is a sensitive topic and we encourage all ladies to be open to discussions about “periods” to enable us eradicate myths surrounding menstruation and face the facts!
